Saturday, August 27, 2011
a getaway is muchhh needed.
i just dont understand what im supposed to do anymore. theres so much going on now and i feel like im getting engulfed in depression or something that just doesnt make any sense. i wish someone could explain why this is happening. my mom thinks im a drama queen because i was in the ER tuesday night, but wednesday during the day i went to waldameer for my brothers birthday. and i guess that means that i wasnt in pain at all or anything. i just feel like nobody is listening or nobody cares anymore. i dont get it. what am i doing wrong? why am i being called a child? why is almost all of my family blaming my sadness on missing danny? yes i miss danny, a lot. but i dont have time to worry about that. my mind is full of everything else and im extremely busy being a mom. ive barely talked to danny since he got back there. and im not happy about it but im surviving arent i? i would give anything to be there but why is everyone just thinking that that's what my problem is? they wouldnt know, theyre not in my head, in my memories and doing god only knows what. i feel so weak now. i feel like im being babied, and thats not my plan. im being treeated and called a child because i apparently made a threat? which i really didnt. saying that "youll never see me again" was freaking pertaining to just leaving and being with danny and his family from now on. it wasnt a threat. it was saying thats what i want to do. and i do. i wish someone was here to care about me. yes i have kristin, who is completely awesome, i have alex who makes me so happy, and of course i have danny who im in love with, but hes 5 hours away. i want someone in my family to just ask how im feeling for once. i want them to care, just ONE time. because i feel like im being treated terribly. yes i think if danny was here, there wouldnt be such a problem with the "caring" aspect of everything or whatever but hes not here, and he probably wont be here until november. so i just dont know what to do. i dont know how to make someone want to talk to me or love me. am i seriously that bad of a person that i dont deserve to be cared about? really? i just feel so unloved or uncared for. what am i supposed to do in a situation like this? cuz honestly, i just want to give up. im trying so hard to do everyyyything. i can only do so much.