Thursday, October 13, 2011

long distance isnt worth it

so dont let anyone ever tell you that it is. its hard and it fucking sucks. theres always going to be cheating or lying or trust issues or something is going to come up. and its ten times harder when you have a child to take care of all alone. ya i get that there are a lot of single teen mothers out there. but im not single and i feel like shit because im doing it all alone. i shouldnt have to. i feel like i have no free time even though i am home alone all day and usually all night. i want time to myself. all day and night and day again i am a mother. and it sucks. i love alex more then anything in the world, but i have to think about him before any decision is made. if i could, right now i would save enough money for a greyhound ticket and be off to cincinatti. but thats not an option with alex. and without alex i wouldnt be with danny so im fine with it being here. but im just barely getting by. im happy, but im not. yeah thats probably confusing but life FUCKING SUCKS NOW. i just so bad want to give danny an ultimatum but i know its not fair because he cant legally leave yet..but january 12th, he better be packing up to come here or i so want to be out. its not healthy for me to be doing this to myself now. im not a child anymore. a phone call, text or IM isnt enough for me. I lay every night staring at his side of the bed and my heart breaks a little more every time were apart. and yeah were trying to work on things. but am i supposed to tell him that im getting those feelings, but im not acting on it. i love him and i dont want to ruin it. but those needy feelings are slowly creeping back and i dont know what the hell im supposed to do. i want everything to work out and him to be here. im not going to mess up again, i know that but if those feelings overpower me what am i supposed to do? I could type until my fingers get out, but i dont have time for that. the only one who can do something about it is danny and i. so im going to let him read this when he gets home from school and we can talk about it.

baby, i do love you. lets get through this together.

No comments:

Post a Comment